Hi all, I turned 50 a couple of weeks ago and I am grateful for the many wonderful things in my life and cognizant of the improvements in many areas of it which have been steadily accumulating over time. That said, my conscious experience of life on a day to day level is filled with some frustration, as I have this long-running conscious image of the changes I "know" I need to make in my life, and even understanding of the actions required to do so, and yet do these changes happen? Almost! Every day, almost! And yet, never quite! For literally years, not quite! But my pendulum has of late seemed to swing ever closer in the right directions... but the off-swings are getting WAY off. Paradoxically, it's as though the more things go well, the more scattered I become. (Sorry if I seem vague, I don't want this to be a book.)

I think there is some unconscious self-sabotage going on. Like I don't believe I'm the kind of person for whom success should happen. So I put up a prayer listing a couple of days ago which I hope addresses these inner conflicts.

I'm happy to say that, at least over this short period, I've felt somewhat more capable of gathering back my scattered straws and even to start to weave them into a shape I choose again. Of course that won't mean too much if it doesn't become a self-replicating pattern of behavior. But I just wanted to report: first steps are headed in the right direction. Deep thanks to anyone who at any point chooses or has chosen to pray on my behalf.